Silence

Have you ever found yourself in a crowded room but find yourself completely alone? Do you stand talking to people around you but feel like you are watching through the window?

You function just fine but you are in survival mode. Silence becomes your only option for peace. Survival is shutting out everyone around you and communication is only by necessity. Most people don’t even see what’s happening. But your mask has been perfected over time. Being quiet and silent becomes like breathing. It becomes survival.

Breathing air hurts. You gasp for air but nothing happens. You feel like you’re drowning but there is no water to be found. There are no more tears to cry. No more feelings to be rejected. No more words because they are no longer heard.

The one person and place you should feel safe to be yourself. The safe place to have feelings. Never existed. Instead your feelings are suppressed because they don’t matter. Your feelings become an inconvenience. Which in turn becomes your failure.

Communicating becomes a challenge because you don’t trust. There’s no safe place for your words. Your feelings and your emotions no longer have validation. So compressing your feelings and thoughts becomes your only option. Hurt and rejection and constant correction becomes an expectation. It becomes no surprise when it happens. 

A woman’s greatest gift is the gift of silence yet fully functional in society hiding in a crowd of people. You see a woman doesn’t need you. Most women can function just fine without you. A woman will stand with you because she wants to be there. Not because she has to. We are the masters of survival. We endure pain, men will never understand. We are created unique, we are designed to reflect what we’re given. Most men don’t realize they’re like a thermostat. As leaders in a relationship they have control of the temperature. So if you don’t like what you’re getting, change the temperature. A woman only reflects off what she’s getting. That goes in any relationship. It’s not just marriage or dating. That could be friendship. You don’t like what you’re getting then change what you’re giving.

God created women that way. So, if we go silent so we can survive, that doesn’t mean we need correction or to be fixed. Sometimes we just need space for our feelings to be heard. Nothing else. Not everything needs to be fixed.

I’m not going to apologize for having feelings. I’m not going to feel bad for them either. I’m not going to apologize for having a difference of an opinion. What kind of world would we live in if we all believed in the same thing, that would get boring over time.

God created Eve out of Adam’s side. Not his head to be above him and not his heel to be walked upon and not from his back to be behind him. She was created from his rib. Have you ever thought about what the ribs purpose is in our bodies? The ribs protect all the organs. It guards, hearts and lungs for breathing. Ribs are the body’s version of an armor to protect its most precious organs. God chose to take a rib out of all the things he could have taken. He chose the rib. Profound really. When you think about it. A woman was designing to protect and guard, a man’s heart and the air that he breathes. So if your woman is guarding your heart. It’s not an attack on you. It’s her doing her job as your rib. Know the difference between healthy criticism and unhealthy. We’re called to look out for each other, but if you see that as an attack then don’t be surprised when the very person that was designed to protect your heart, stops.

I get it when we nag it comes across as us correcting. I’m being bossy or controlling. But have you ever wondered if maybe she just cares or she’s doing her job as your rib and protecting your heart?

Satan will use anything to tear a child of God apart. If he sees a relationship, a Godly relationship following God’s direction, he will use anything and everything to tear it apart. And I mean anything.

So when a woman goes quiet and silent becomes her only voice. Pay attention because maybe there’s a reason and maybe her reason is valid. A real man will see a woman’s tears and see her hurt and it would tear him apart, especially if he caused it. His reaction should be to love her unconditionally as God loves the church. That’s shutting up, listening and being present for her. When we have that safe place serving becomes a love language. Seeking out our loved ones love language becomes our number one priority. Going above and beyond isn’t a chore anymore. It becomes a passion which we take pride in.

Some questions to ponder. What’s your love language? Do you know your partner’s love language? Do you see each other and give a safe place for communication? As much as women communicate better in a safe place, men need it to. It is harder for a woman to be what her man needs if her needs aren’t being met. As we reflect what we’re given.

If you make her your priority, she will make you hers. If you give her an emotionally safe place, she will communicate. Believe it or not, a man who stops and listens with his whole heart, is the most attractive thing you can do. Don’t fix it unless she asks. Doing this will give you the best part of her. She can’t give herself to you if she doesn’t feel safe to do so.

So give her a safe place. Allow her to be emotional and don’t condemn her for it. Listen because she might just have a point. Compromise is not failure. Sometimes your silence and giving her a place to cry in your arms can be the best gift you can give her. And for Pete’s sake apologize when you’ve hurt her. Sometimes it’s not about you. Sometimes it’s about both of you. If you give her time, and apologize, she will do the same for you.

If you want a biblical relationship and a Proverbs 31 woman, then be in the word. Follow God’s plan for relationships and follow them to a t. Watch your tongue. A tongue is the one of the strongest muscles in the body and that goes for words too. Swallow your pride. Put your ego in the closet and shut the door. Put your priorities in place and don’t you dare mix them up. Keep God first your relationship second and the rest will fall into place. For what God has brought together, let no man split apart. Keeping the triangle with God at the top creates the strongest bond. Put something else in there and you’ve ruined it.

Don’t give her a reason to be quiet. Don’t create a space for silence. She is a master at it. It is a battle you will not win. A woman is never quiet just because. There is always a reason. Don’t be that reason.

Love her unconditionally as God loves his church. Treat her as a daughter of Christ. Remember Christ sacrificed himself for his children. He put them first and died on the cross. Would you do that for her? For everything you do in life, everything, what would Jesus do? Be the man he would be proud to give his daughter too.

“Proverbs 31. :10. -31”

“Genesis 2. :21 – 25”