When you were young, did you ever have a dream? Something you always wanted or wanted to be?
I did. My whole world was horses. I wanted one more then anything. I had multiple Barbie horses, figurines, right down to my curtains have horses on them. Every school project, including science, I used horses. Even in college I wrote a paper on the theory of motion and jumping. I worked on farms for riding lessons and just to be near them.
One of the few, best days of my life, involved a horse. A memory with my dad I will never forget. My best friend and dad took me to meet another best friend. Yes, you can have more than one best friend. I did. Most of my memories of my dad involved horses. He always found a horse show or rodeo to take me to. He never missed a horse show I was in.
On this particular day, it was extra special. With the help from my grandpa and my dad and a small portion from myself. At the age of 18, a long awaited time finally came. A 3 year old Quarter Horse, Morgan cross gelding became mine. He was bay in color ( reddish brown) with a star on his forehead. Black main and tail. Green broke and ready for me to finish.
It was almost surreal. I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming. When we got to a gas station to get gas. I got out of the truck to check on him. To see if he was really there. My dream had finally come true. His name is Cody’s Paradise.
I spent every day I could with him. I taught him everything I knew. He jumped, ran barrels and poles, vaulted and even the Santa Claus parade. He helped kids in lessons and took students to shows and won lots of ribbons. I became a riding instructor and with him passed on our knowledge.
He was my soft shoulder to cry on when I was down or depressed. He listened hours on end to my problems with no complaint. He was my reason to get up in the morning and my reason to keep pushing through life.
I struggled in school and kept to myself. I stuggled on and of with depression. Until I got my horse. I opened up and became a girl with a voice. I had purpose. I had reason and he was it. Even in a marriage that was falling apart. It was his shoulder I went to.
Now 26 years old, he still waits at the fence. A shoulder waiting for me. A memory of my dad and a dream come true. More gray fur and not as energetic as before, but still strong and healthy. Still standing and waiting for a ride or walk with me. A friend and companion.
He is the one thing in my life that still stands strong. Like a guiding star. Like the one on his forehead.
I have lost, had taken from me and I’ve had to sell and get rid of almost everything in my life. My kids taken from me, my dad passes, I sell things to survive. Long time cat and dog get put down from old age. Friends come and go. I have nothing but him.
I know he will pass one day. He will go at some point. It’s inevitable. But until then, he will stand with me, the only strong shoulder I have to lean on. Not to mention at this very moment the cheapest thing in my life. Go figure.
One day he will be a memory, like my dad. A picture on a wall. A hoof print in my life. The only thing that never took off, hurt me or was taken from me. I know his days are numbered but it’s not today.
A Mom's Footprints 